Placekicker is doable. Either he’s good enough or he isn’t after getting used to the helmet and pads. The idea that he could stack it with an MLS stint is kinda bonkers, though. First, no NFL team wants their kicker taking extra roadtrips from Columbus to San Diego, sprinting for ninety minutes against brick shithouses with something to prove, and MLS is moving to a more typical global schedule and won’t be playing almost exclusively in the NFL’s offseason anymore.

Second, MLS is what it is, but it’s broadly past the point where a non-Messi can try to pull a Gareth Bale in LA (or Madrid, LOL) and phone it in. Messi himself has been selective and protective, but even he hasn’t made it seem like Miami is beneath him. There is a certain contingent of formerly world class players who think that MLS is Saudi and will protect the has-beens from any whisp of contact from the not-yets and never-will-be’s. MLS owners, who often overlap with NFL owners, are cynical in a different way and will view the European star as one more asset to be optimized, with a certain amount of special treatment, but not enough to upset the pipeline to sales of younger players that has grown up in recent years, or compromise on-field play in a way that gets anybody looking too close at the weird ownership structure they use to get around competition laws.