Just a tip for leveling up that rice.

Throw the dry rice in a skillet and give it a little oil enough to coat, then gently fry/toast it until golden and fragrant. Then cook it will maybe half a cup less water. Also, sofrito is a beautiful thing in rice.

I bought a 2000 Camry to drive instead of a high end GPU, so yeah I need upscaling. It’ll still be useful in 10 years too.

I’m leaning toward a short somewhere, since you said the PSU starts up with the paperclip but not when plugged in to the board.