Palukk is the house special at The Wanking Walrus; Various tiny fish are dumped into a small bottle of overproof white rum, which causes them to jump like mad. The bottle is then whipped up with a vigorous spinning maneuver, and then poured down the gullet. For every fish you drop, a bystander will traditionally give you a spank on the arse. If you can keep it all down, the house will buy everyone a free round; if it comes back up, the next round is on you.

You open the fridge and you find a small selection of items smiling, looking, and generally grimacing at you.

A small amount of pickled vegetables, dried cheese, a jar of condiments or two, a bunch of very sad tomato cherries, but what catches your eye is, is the curious eye of the plate of leftovers at the bottom shelf of the fridge .

Speyeghetti, or Spaghetti and Eyeballs. A staple food for any lower middle class kid with working parents. The quick, easy, and to some, fun plate of carbs is now staring at you intently.

Take the Speyeghetti?

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