I have a 14 year old Maine Coon that is terminally ill and has a few weeks at best. Our son recently turned 4 years old and loves animals. We taught him to be kind to all animals, even bugs. He is not particularly attached to the cat, but he likes it well enough (the cat is not a cuddler).
In a few weeks we’ll have to go to the vet and have the cat put down. We’re wondering how we should approach this with our son. Do we take him with us? Do we let him be present when the cat is put to sleep? Or make him stay in the waiting area? Or do we go when he’s in school? What’s appropriate for a 4 year old?
On the one hand I think that death is a part of life. And I don’t mind that he sees us crying over the cat. But I also don’t want to traumatize him or make it bigger than it is.
Any tips?
Such sad times! I’m so sorry for your loss. We had a cat and a dog die when our kids were young (4&2yo when the cat died, 5&3 for the dog). It was really hard! Especially since both pets had been with me for almost 20 years… both were a big losses. We talked about it with them once it was clear that they were on their way out. We tried to keep it age appropriate and simple, but very matter of fact, no euphemisms, etc. When the time came that we decided to euthanize, we gave the kids the option if they wanted to come or not (both to the vet, and then to stay with the pet until the end). Both times, they chose to stay, and then we went out for ice cream and talked about it all a bunch, kinda trying to follow their lead whenever they wanted to talk about it. I would definitely do the same again in the future…explain what’s going to happen, what it’ll be like, then give them the option. It was hard, especially because at their ages they were also pretty focused on my response, but also it seemed like it gave them a pretty good grip on the whole thing. Maybe a sense of closure? They were sad, but it felt like healthy sad, definitely not traumatizing or anything.